For Yolanda and a couple of others who have asked . . .When the Reverend Doctor visited, she noticed the stack of books on infant sleep in the sunroom, where AC and I spend virtually all of our time. She likened it to the travel books people read when they can't actually get away themselves; I admitted it was more like porn for the sleep-deprived.
Among the books I've read on sleep:
Babywise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep ("86% of our infants sleep 7-9 hours per night by 8 weeks!");
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer; What to Expect for the First Year; What You Need to Know for the First Year from America's Most Trusted Nanny; Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems (the "Ferber Method"); and
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. (Yes, I have been a woman on a mission.)
The last two were definitely the most helpful. Here is what I've learned: basically, there are a couple of physiological milestones that have to be passed before a baby can sleep through the night. The most important is that its sleep/wake cycles have to be coordinated--those cycles don't work together at first, so their brains get mixed signals. This coordination generally occurs between 6 weeks and 4 months. Also, a baby needs to be large enough to eat enough to sleep for a long period of time--some say 10 lbs, though it sometimes happens earlier.
Parents can't affect either of those factors. But once those milestones have been passed, there are things we can at least try. Honestly, I think we're just kind of lucky--after a rough first 6-8 weeks, AC is a very easy baby. While I don't think this would work with a really difficult baby, ours happened just to need a little assistance, or so it seems so far:
1) From the experts: Put the baby to bed drowsy but awake. Probably the most helpful advice I read. This way, the little ones learn to soothe themselves to sleep, and when they stir in the night, they know how to re-enter sleep on their own. Also, don't change the conditions too much--that is, don't move them from one room to another or change their clothes, etc., or their sense of the change will cause them to rouse more fully and become more vigilant in their sleep (Richard Ferber likens this to how adults would become wary sleepers if people came into our bedrooms, changed our clothes, and carried us to other places each night while we slept.).
2) From AC: We learned to look for Allison Clare's signs of sleepiness--not the ones like extreme crankiness or crying that occured when she was too far gone, overstimulated and overtired, but those that showed when she was just getting a little sleepy. She tends to slow down, staring off for a few minutes at a time, or get a little agitated, rubbing her eyes, fussing a little, or yawning once or twice. As soon as we saw them, we started our bedtime routine of a diaper change, pajamas, bedtime snack, prayers, and cuddles in dim light near her bed.
3) My own invention: A strategy of minimal intervention. Both Sam and I were willing to let her cry it out once she got old enough--the books and our pediatrician both said she should be about 4 months old. And it did seem that within the past month or so, she developed much better self-soothing skills, so I was glad we didn't try to force her to cry it out too early, when she wasn't ready for it and would have fallen asleep from exhaustion and stress instead of from learning how to sleep. I have to credit Sam here because on my own, I might have been persuaded (or frightened) by those who say that if you ever pick babies up when they're trying to sleep, you keep them from learning to sleep on their own. As it turned out, a more humane and supportive approach worked fine . . . at least for this initial phase of sleep training.
We wanted to help her learn to sleep but we also wanted her to learn to become independent in falling asleep. From birth, she definitely preferred sleeping on us or with us, but after two months, we decided whenever possible to let her sleep as much on her own as she could, and we kept pushing this incrementally further. So, we did the very slightest things that would help her sleep.
Most nights, I didn't have to do anything at all--after the bedtime routine, I put her down drowsy, and she fell asleep for longer and longer periods. I didn't encourage her to nurse when she did wake up--I let her nurse a little and fall back to sleep. And I stopped changing her diaper in the middle of the night, partly enabled by using these very absorbent diapers that would last long enough that she'd still be relatively dry in the morning.
If she fussed while falling asleep, we let her go for a few minutes to see if she could calm down. If she started getting really worked up, we went in and rocked her bassinet, which virtually always worked. If it didn't, we picked her up, comforted her a little, and then put her back down just as she relaxed, and let her continue to calm down on her own (it took some practice to get just the right moment--too early, and she'd get even more upset; too late, and she would have missed the opportunity to learn to calm herself). Sometimes I propped her up on our bed, dimmed the lights, and just hung out in the same room folding laundry, etc., while she rested and watched and got quieter. As soon as she was calm and/or drowsy, I put her in her bed, and as soon as she was getting quieter, I stopped doing anything for her (rocking her bassinet, patting her, etc.), and left the room.
Finally, she started sucking her thumb this past week, and it seems to calm her down quite a bit when she gets tired and fussy (it looks like thumb-sucking is not a problem unless it goes on past age 4 or so).
Of course, we know she may not sleep through the night again for weeks, but her sleep has gotten better gradually over time, and this was a nice indication that there could be hope for a well-rested future for all of us. :) Best wishes to all the babies!
Allison Clare really worked the room (since it rained, we moved into the garage). Here she is with Grammy and Great-Great-Aunt Sis:
and hanging out in my Maya sling while I served the cake:
