Milestones
This past week marked our first wedding anniversary on Monday and Allison Clare's 3-month birthday yesterday. As for our anniversary, we feel like we've been married forever, given all that has happened in the past year: two months in Europe, home renovation, moving, pregnancy, childbirth, new parenthood. And of course, by now I think that the sovereignty I gave up when I got married, which felt like a monumental shift for reasons I can hardly even remember now, was nothing compared to what happened when I gave birth. Sam and I have a shared governance system, and let's face it, in the end I can negotiate for pretty much anything I really want with my indulgent husband. The little one's needs are decidedly more dictatorial, however: there's no arguing with a hungry baby, and the consequences for things like a delayed nap are absolute.
But now that she's three months old, we've found that it's true what they say about how things change almost magically at this point--she's happy most of the time by now, calm and observant on our little outings, and content to watch us with an attitude of gentle benevolence as we go about our business at home. I do kind of miss how very, very tiny she was, but she feels like a real baby now, all solid and chunky, and she feels like she's definitely here to stay, not so fragile and otherworldly, like this place wasn't really home yet.
Now that summer is here, we have some time to relax, for the first time since Sam closed on the house in February of 2007 and we started the massive renovations. It's odd how sobering this happiness is that has settled upon our home right now. Not because we aren't grateful for it, but because I think it's a fallacy to think of happiness as an end point that we seek . . . we don't get to become happy, and then stop. Instead, happiness like a really pretty country that we travel through on a train that doesn't stop, and what is ours is to enjoy the view for a while, making the most of the time, and remaining aware and respectful of the war-torn countryside bordering it. In other words, not to say, I'm happy, I'll stop here, I don't want to think about anything or anyone else, but simply to pause to say, thank You that there are places and times like this.
But now that she's three months old, we've found that it's true what they say about how things change almost magically at this point--she's happy most of the time by now, calm and observant on our little outings, and content to watch us with an attitude of gentle benevolence as we go about our business at home. I do kind of miss how very, very tiny she was, but she feels like a real baby now, all solid and chunky, and she feels like she's definitely here to stay, not so fragile and otherworldly, like this place wasn't really home yet.
Now that summer is here, we have some time to relax, for the first time since Sam closed on the house in February of 2007 and we started the massive renovations. It's odd how sobering this happiness is that has settled upon our home right now. Not because we aren't grateful for it, but because I think it's a fallacy to think of happiness as an end point that we seek . . . we don't get to become happy, and then stop. Instead, happiness like a really pretty country that we travel through on a train that doesn't stop, and what is ours is to enjoy the view for a while, making the most of the time, and remaining aware and respectful of the war-torn countryside bordering it. In other words, not to say, I'm happy, I'll stop here, I don't want to think about anything or anyone else, but simply to pause to say, thank You that there are places and times like this.
posted by Tara | 6:07 AM
3 Comments:
This is a really lovely post. I know I've said it before, but Tara you write so well. I love checking in here because you are able to put feelings and moments in words in a way that is very difficult to do. The way you talk about happiness is so good, so right. Anyway, thanks!
Enjoy your bit of breathing space. You've certainly earned it!
oooohhh, I like that. I like that a lot!! Is she REALLY three months old, at this point? Wow.
Please make a list of anything you can remember that was great about the newborn stage, and e-mail it to me in about two months. :)
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