Resolution-Free Zone
Last month, I finally got around to joining the gym. It's a gorgeous, if expensive, facility. Paying for the membership seems like a colossal concession to my own laziness because I could go to the campus gym for free, but the campus gym doesn't offer classes, and while I'd like to think I was disciplined enough to go without a class, my experience for the last 18-months (entirely sedentary) proves otherwise.
So, one "benefit" of membership at this place is a fitness assessment. It's humiliating. They ask you a bunch of questions about your eating habits. I felt myself grow sheepish and defensive in a way that I haven't since I stopped lying as a child at about age 3. Then you have to do a number of tests, the most arduous of which is to "go" around the track for 12 minutes while they smile cheerily and count your laps. They just tell you to "go," as if it's not going to be very challenging, but then they cheerfully add: "as fast as you can!" which basically means you run, or stagger, or whatever your pathetic gait.
Then, at the end--voila!--they hand you a sheet of paper that analyzes your physical condition. They remind you (oh-so-helpfully) of your Chronological Age, which in my case is 32. Then they tell you your Body Age, and it turns out that eating vegetables like my mama taught me has its advantages, as my body has just turned 30. Then, you get the sense they're getting to the real point, and they list the Recommendations:
"Tara, the following are factors that will improve your Body Age:
Improving your flexibility from Poor to Average (the trainer had smiled gently and said, "It's not so bad--you're almost Fair!") will improve your Body Age by 2 years.
Improving your Cardiovascular VO2 score will improve your Body Age by 4 years.
Improving Your Heart Disease Health Risk Appraisal Score from Low-Mod to Low will improve your Body Age by 2 years.
Improving your Nutrition Health Risk Appraisal from Good to Excellent will improve your Body Age by 2 years (maybe so, but there's no way I am giving up meat).
Improving your Body Composition from 21% to 19.09% will improve your Body Age by 2 years.
By improving these factors, it is possible for you to reach a Body Age of 18."
Yeah, right!
So, one "benefit" of membership at this place is a fitness assessment. It's humiliating. They ask you a bunch of questions about your eating habits. I felt myself grow sheepish and defensive in a way that I haven't since I stopped lying as a child at about age 3. Then you have to do a number of tests, the most arduous of which is to "go" around the track for 12 minutes while they smile cheerily and count your laps. They just tell you to "go," as if it's not going to be very challenging, but then they cheerfully add: "as fast as you can!" which basically means you run, or stagger, or whatever your pathetic gait.
Then, at the end--voila!--they hand you a sheet of paper that analyzes your physical condition. They remind you (oh-so-helpfully) of your Chronological Age, which in my case is 32. Then they tell you your Body Age, and it turns out that eating vegetables like my mama taught me has its advantages, as my body has just turned 30. Then, you get the sense they're getting to the real point, and they list the Recommendations:
"Tara, the following are factors that will improve your Body Age:
Improving your flexibility from Poor to Average (the trainer had smiled gently and said, "It's not so bad--you're almost Fair!") will improve your Body Age by 2 years.
Improving your Cardiovascular VO2 score will improve your Body Age by 4 years.
Improving Your Heart Disease Health Risk Appraisal Score from Low-Mod to Low will improve your Body Age by 2 years.
Improving your Nutrition Health Risk Appraisal from Good to Excellent will improve your Body Age by 2 years (maybe so, but there's no way I am giving up meat).
Improving your Body Composition from 21% to 19.09% will improve your Body Age by 2 years.
By improving these factors, it is possible for you to reach a Body Age of 18."
Yeah, right!
posted by Tara | 2:30 PM
3 Comments:
wow.....if your body age is 30 than I am about 106 years old!!!!
"while I'd like to think I was disciplined enough to go without a class, my experience for the last 18-months (entirely sedentary) proves otherwise." I so identify!
Wow, looks like you're actually doing pretty well for 18 months of being mostly sitting or lying down.
Congrats on signing up.
Jason, yes, if I eat well enough and exercise, I'm hoping to split back into two gametes.
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